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Porn Hub! All hail the almighty one! The king of free porn sites! Often misspelled as “PronHub”, “PorHub” or “Poenhub” by degenerates, it was founded in 2007 by Matt Keezer, who sold it to Fabian Thylmann in 2010, because the fucker probably cared more about the money than the website itself. It became part of the Manwin branch, now known as Mindgeek. Other giants in the network include sites like YouPorn and RedTube, and they also own a shit-ton of premium sites like Brazzers and Digital Playground. Porn Hub ain’t the #1 most popular porn site in the world, but it does have the most porn—almost 11.4 million videos, as of this writing!

Look, I’m not going to jerk your chain around too much. I’m pretty certain you’ve visited before. Maybe you’re even one of the hundreds of thousands who have visited the site today, as they do every day. Hell, you’ve probably utilized the site for forearm exercise enough that you could write your own review, huh? As the king daddy of porn tubes, they set the example that lesser tubes strive to emulate. Let’s take a look at some of the things that make PornHub what it is.

How to Create the Web’s Biggest Sex Tube

Did you know that Pornhub made an appearance in 2013’s romantic comedy, Don John? I bet you think your lonely existence in mom’s basement is Hollywood material now, too, huh? The movie’s about a fap addict who can’t stop masturbating to Internet porn, even though he’s always getting laid. I wonder why the fuck they asked closet fag Joseph Gordon-Levitt for the main role instead of me. Do you see a skinny loser like him fucking a co-star like Scarlett Johansson? Yeah, the director didn’t think so either, which is why he’s downgraded to Julianne Moore by the end!

Yeah, is favored by movie girls, stinky library bums, you, your co-workers, and everyone else. Donald Trump reportedly searches the site for his Russian pee tape every morning, and every night your mom yells at your dad, “Get off Porn Hub and come to bed!” It’s just easier jerking it to hot teens than waiting 20 minutes for Viagra to kick in and stick it in your mom’s sandy desert cooch. Speaking of teens, the site’s drum intro is a goddamn meme among the TikTok set, forcing parents, teachers, and guidance counselors everywhere to pretend they don’t recognize it. Seriously, everybody fucking loves this website.

Part of that popularity stems from their massive range of categories. Their Categories page lists 100 major subgenres of smut, from Blowjob and Anal, to Asian and Ebony, to Big Tits and Old/Young. They’ve got 300,000 DIY fuck flicks filed under Amateur, 15,000 Vintage sex films your dad and grandpa used to jerk off to, and nearly 20,000 pieces of smut that are apparently Popular With Women. I’m a sucker for the Public obscenity and Lesbians, while you neckbeards will crank it to the Cartoon porn and Hentai, and the kinksters can dive into the Bondage area and Fetish section.

Family fun fans are going to be disappointed by the conspicuous absence of an official Taboo genre. A search for the term “Incest” turns up literally nothing, but you can still turn up a ton of porn by searching for “Taboo” or “Step”. It’s still there, like it is everywhere else, but they don’t like to make too much noise about it. The same goes for their Pee videos, which are also available by the thousands.

All Your Favorite Starlets Fucking for Free

Not only does have a wide range of perversion, but they’ve got all kinds of babes performing it. From innocent-looking teens showing their naked bodies on webcam, to soccer MILFs taking it in their neighbor’s garage, to spazzed-out crackwhores being choked, spit on and having every hole violated by a hockey team, this site has it all. Crank it to White girls, Black girls, skinny girls, fat girls, and absolutely everything in between.

Do you like pornstars like Mia Khalifa, Chyna, and Stormy Daniels? No problem, amigo! The Pornstars page ranks every video slut in the business by popularity, each with loads of free pornos available. It’s easy to find all the videos of your favorite girl and subscribe to her channel, creating a custom spank-feed that serves up all her newest shit. Most of the popular chicks have hundreds or even thousands of free videos on the site; Riley Reid has nearly 900, Adriana Chechik has almost 2,000, and eternal favorite Mia Khalifa has around 5,000. Not bad for a chick who only worked in the business for three months!

Some of you porn scholars see the issue with this. Mia didn’t actually shoot 5,000 movies in 3 months. She shot 12. There are a lot of duplicate videos on the site, though it’s obviously a much bigger issue with major stars like Ms. Khalifa. I suspect it’s not going to make you too angry as you beat your beat.

Setting the Standard for Sex Tubes Everwhere

I love how they use category tags in the video player, so you know what sex action happens when. If you don’t like foreplay, skip right to the Cowgirl sequence or the Ass-to-Mouth, and then jump to the Cumshot when you’re ready to pop and not a goddamn moment before! The Hotspots feature performs a similar function, showing you exactly which part of the video most of the fans are shaking their dicks at.

Speaking of Cumshots, you can watch those messy moments in super slow-motion using the built-in playback speed control. Their advanced video player is full of features all the other guys copy. They were offering multiple resolutions up to HD before the smaller tubes, and now they’re on the cutting edge of free virtual reality porno.

You’ve also got basic social media features like sharing, commenting, and Liking or Disliking scenes. It’s great for letting your fellow masturbators, and your grandma know if a video got you off or not. Registering for a free account also lets you download many of the videos, a perk not even the paysites offer consistently anymore.

Under the Porn Hub Community tab, you can see which other (verified) members are part of the site and send them private messages. Who knows, maybe you can even get laid for real here? Prudes and worrywarts can flag shit that gets their panties in a bunch if they want a moderator to take a look. Hey, we don’t want the feds to lock your hairy ass up with Bubba in jail!

The advertising used to be worse on the site, but with a good spam blocker, you won’t really see spam on PornHub. This stems in large part from their status as THE big sex tube. They get a ton of traffic the premium sites want, so they work out affiliate agreements and make the bulk of their money that way. The shitter tubes don’t have the same deals, so they earn their profits from people trying to sell you dick pills.

Anyways, if you can’t get off on Porn Hub (also often misspelled as “pornhib”, “por hub”, “pornhun”, “pron hub”, “pirnhub”, “prnhub”, “hubporn”, “pprnhub”, “phub”, “porbhub” or “potnhub”), then you can’t get off anywhere!

Pay Money or Get Money with a Free Tube

They’ve got a Premium membership available if you’re bothered by the minimal spam, or if you’d just like to stream and download in full 4K Ultra-HD. They’ve also got a nice selection of exclusive full-length pornos included. Pornhub Premium is free for the first week and then costs $9.99 per month. Pornhub VR comes with it, too. You can even buy a gift card for a friend’s birthday! Imagine the look on his face when he opens your present. His eyes will fill with tears, and you can be sure that this is one gift he won’t be selling on eBay when you go home!

If you’d rather get paid than pay out, you can upload your homemade sex tape with their amateur program. Their top amateur models earn up to $40,000 a month! Don’t you want to be the next big thing in pornography?

What else is there to say about They’re the king of the tubes for their massive, constantly growing smut collection and the masturbatory convenience of how they organize that humongous archive. I’d go on, but you’ve probably already stopped reading in favor of all that free porno.